I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
