dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
