I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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