A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
