saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
