On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
birth control should be required to get into college
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
