she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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