My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
