Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
