I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
