I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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