Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I will be naked everywhere
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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