if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
