my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
