If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
