How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
