I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
