Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
