oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
