how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
