If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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