Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
