What did we do last night that was yellow?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
