That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
