Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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