big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
