i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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