we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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