I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
