I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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