You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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