Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You can't just leave with hair like that
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
