thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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