it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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