I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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