haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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