btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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