You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
