paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
