just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
