it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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