Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
