Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
