You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
