I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
