I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
