i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
