She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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