Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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