I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
