i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
