When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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