There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
