turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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