Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
