and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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