Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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