I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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