"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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