can we get nightvision for the apartment?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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