I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
