I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
