Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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