I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
