It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
